I don’t know if a woman gets this situation, but I am speaking from one guys side of what I think we feel and or otherwise ignore when it comes to being Friend Zoned.
First let us define friend zoned. As a guy, I think It means you had and interest in a sexual relationship with a woman/girl/whatever. However the relationshipee is not as accommodating as the relationshipor wants. They, unlike you, want to just be
You start out, usually inebriated, and some woman is in an amorous mood, and you stupidly think it is all about you.
It is not
It is them wanting to establish a relationship, but they don’t approach it in a logical manner, thus they either wind up with some scumbag that is going to do-em and dump-em. (if you are in the real friend zone, you will hear all about this.) Or, you will go off into a very predictable relationship advancement mode that I will explain later when I have analyzed thoroughly. In other words. Never.
So let us elucidate the structure of the friend zone:
It starts with a passionate kiss that sends your toes tingling. Then it is the quick grab, squeeze, feel under the table. No rejection there so you think you have a shot. THEN you buy her another two or three drinks. Mistake number one. If you pick her up at the bar, and she keeps wanting you to buy drinks…. you are not getting personal with her tonight. If you do, you will be disappointed. Trust me. However, this can also be a great chance to get to know her, but be careful because sometimes this can get very, very, very weird. Have your wingman ready to pull you off and shove you out the door. Many times I have been saved. Thank you Benton, Dean, Doug, Mark, Don, Norm…. It goes on.
This is surprisingly a very fluid moment. I hate to say it, but few go to the real relationship world. Most of the 2nd rounder’s are either the exile to the friend zone, or some very kick-ass-sex and never-want-to-talk-to-you-again developments.
If you have gotten this far it can mean many things.
You really like her and want to keep trying. (12% success rate.)
You think she is fun and by hanging wither her you will find other women. (success rate 42%)
Caution. This is a real test of the friend zone and if you find the woman who has declared you her man friend getting really negative to the woman you try to choose and explain to her, you should realize she has disrupted the force of the friend zone and you need to be either cautious or callus. I have used both techniques, and truthfully found that If I have been FZ’s I no longer really give a shit and find the callous approach has actually got me some anger lay’s so it is all in what you are looking for I guess.
Now if you have not taken her off Facebook, twitter and whatever, and have not removed her from your phone or blocked her calls, you still enjoy hanging around with and can have her pay for her drinks and introduce you to some decent chic’s.
NOW you are in the REAL FRIEND ZONE.
OMG ( did I just type that?), this is heaven for a guy. I cannot describe the feeling of having a sister you can get drunk and hit on, knowing nothing will happen and will push you off when you are all hands or actually introduce to her nymph friend and you smile about it, either way.
That IS the ultimate female friend. You are a guy so no matter what, you still want to have sex with them. However, when you start not thinking about sex with them, then you can actually develop a good give and take. I think there is nothing better than a true female “friend”, but it usually takes a lot longer than either side will allow.
A final thought
Every once in awhile a friend becomes an FWB. That is Friends With Benefits. You can call each other and setup a drink meet and maybe have a physical night together. No worries, no regrets. It is kind of rare but, it is why guys develop a harem of gals. Usually 2 or 3 that kind of shuffle in and out of their lives. It is actually a very stable relationship if all parties realize it IS about friendship.
There are a lot of advantages to this system, but ownership, childhood indoctrination and religious dominion keep these types of relationships at-bay.
So, you have been zoned. Accept it for what it is, but you need to start treating the person that zoned you as a buddy/pal/compadre, you will find most of the women cannot even handle that and it is adios… So be it.