This year on April 19th, I acknowledge my 7th year of living with another mans heart pumping inside my body. My first few years were quite extreme as I tried to recapture what I thought I had lost.
In the last few years it seems that I have become more or less apathetic in my struggle to retain my glory days.
I no longer feel the need to conquer my fears, or feel that I owe anybody anything. Yet, I do on both accounts.
Much like my TV hero Capt. James Tiberius Kirk, I feel I must die alone, for I took nothing into this world, and I leave it with nothing. Along the way, I know I have made bad people rich, and good people suffer. I know I have worshiped the green monster called money. I have sought to rectify the evil thinking that permeates our society. Yet, all is as it is. It will no change for, or because of me.
Having been reduced to a begging soul, not for a religious savior, but a world where I need not be afraid to die because I cannot afford this months live sustaining medicines. Is it because of the lack of medicine. No. It is because of the people of the United States who are afraid of their voice. Afraid of the bankers and pharma whores. Afraid of a psycho in the White house. Afraid of Police and courts who only want to punish and not provide means to a healthy life.
This is the source of my apathy.
I cannot, change the mind of a person that believes what the media spews. I cannot change the mind of a corrupt government official who believe that the party they belong to is always right.
The ignorance of the unchallenging are the meek that inherit the earth. Good luck with that.